Friend of mine got married over the weekend. I was not invited. Seeing the pics on Facebook are bringing the pain. This guy was in my wedding 13 yrs back as one of my groomsmen and we used to be pretty good friends. I guess(no, I’m pretty sure, I just can’t remember exactly from being too drunk I spose) somewhere along the line I fucked up our friendship. Don’t know what exactly I did, but the results speak for themselves. Haven’t spoken with him or hung out with him since the football season before I got sober, and did not receive an invite to the wedding. I was already pretty sure he was going to be on the Step 8 list, as well as the step 9 follow through, now it’s confirmed. Maybe someday I’ll share with him how hurt and sorry I am, but not today. It’s not about me or my hurt feelings. It’s about him and his chosen friends/family having a great time celebrating his wedding.
But damn it hurts. So what’s the lesson here? Ironically enough I couldn’t sleep last night (I don’t sleep well anymore at all) and I was up watching Warrior. It’s got Nick Nolte as the estranged father with the two sons that don’t speak to each other and they end up fighting each other in a UFC type tournament. I like the movie pretty well akshooly. But I was up watching it reflecting on the bad relationships the father has with the sons, and how I’m so hard on my own son and I hope I don’t fuck that up either. He’s only 5 so I’ve got plenty of time. Then today in church(still hate church btw and have a hard time going but am trying to do right by the kids and wife) the preacher was talking about suffering and lessons. What’s the lesson here?
Maybe this is a small snippet of what a bad relationship would be like. Imagine this was your son man….not just a buddy from highschool you roomed with for a year in college and had in your wedding and oh btw got drunk at his house all the time during football season. Imagine your son not wanting you to see his kids or be around at all. Maybe that’s the lesson here. Or your daughter too. She’s 8. Plenty of time still to fuck that up too.
And what about your wife? Allllllllll the shit she’s put up with over the years? What if she left and took the kids? You’d have nothing. You don’t have any friends. You don’t keep up with anybody. You don’t even want to visit family. You’d rather be alone. This is what you’ve chosen.
You’ve know for awhile now via subtle hints your friend wasn’t really interested in having your around anymore. This weekend was just the final nail in the coffin. Hell, he even had your best man in his wedding too. Unclear from facebook pics whether he was best man there too or just a groomsman. And….you don’t keep up with him either. you suck at friends. you know that? you better not fuck up your family. if you do, you will truly die miserable and alone.