7 Stages of Grief


So, below is some info I’ve found on the different stages of grief. This model outlines 7, instead of the classic 5. I like this one better. From what I’ve read, it’s a gradual progression, with overlap occurring in that you can experience more than one at a time and even not in sequential order.

I think I’m past the shock and denial part. It only took 12 years to get out of. I don’t know that I feel guilt, but this is definitely painful, especially whenever my stress takes over and all I can think about is a drink. I guess I did feel guilt for awhile there when I was in the hospital, but as soon as I started feeling fine again, POOF.  I spose next time I feel like I”m dying it will come back too.  Definitely have the depression still going on b/c I’m not allowed to drink anymore. Well why the fuck not? b/c it’s killing you, idiot. Remember the pain? Remember what sent you to the hospital a little while ago? No? dumbass.

Am pretty much past the anger part.  There for awhile I was really pissed about it.  Well why the fuck can’t I just drink all I want for as long as I want?  <again> b/c it’s killing you stupid.  Now it’s pretty much just resignation.

Definitely am not feeling the upturn or acceptance and hope yet either. Have a little bit of the reconstruction going on at this point 2wks in. Obtw, I’m 2 weeks sober today. Yay.friggin.me. you can tell I’m thrilled. But ya, I’m learning how to cope without the sauce. It sucks. I hate it. But I’m doing it. Apparently I’ve got some more living to do.

The way the below is written, it’s more from the loss of a person and the survivor is going through the phases, but I find it applies to me giving up being drunk too.

Taken from:

Here is the grief model called “The 7 Stages of Grief”:

7 Stages of Grief…

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief…

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief…

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

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~ by sobriety6923 on February 17, 2010.

2 Responses to “7 Stages of Grief”

  1. This article is so amazing! I have been sober 11 weeks from alcohol as an alcoholic. I would love to share this article at my next AA meeting as this is just so helpful and gives such a realisation of our feelings through tjis difficult time. I came across your article whilst searching for stages of sobriety ad i am going thru hell with my emotions in particular Anger.
    I would like to thank you for writing this article and believe you will be helping thousands of people in their recovery. You should spread this article further so it reaches to more people. I have read tonnes of literature mostly thru AA and this is genius!
    Regards Carl

    • Hi Carl – glad you found the site and it was useful for you. Keep going man. I’m coming up on 8 months in a little while and I have to keep reminding myself about the promises. I find that if I stray too far, don’t go to meetings, or don’t remember the promises, bad thoughts start happening. Feel free to share. Hope lots of your friends can get good use out of this site. For me, it’s been very cathartic.

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