Survived the Weekend

Oy vey.  Friday was bad but was tempered with a great massage.  For those of you who haven’t tried regular massage yet, I highly recommend it.  Saturday was inexplicably horrible.  I  was an inch away from going to the liquor store.  I didn’t even care.  But then, for whatever reason, maybe I was too tired, maybe it was too late, but I didn’t.  And now I’m glad I didn’t.  Now, I can look forward to wednesday night and celebrate 4 wks of being sober for only maybe the 2nd or 3rd time in the last 12 years.

Weekends are always the worst b/c we’re all together all weekend as a family. Ironic isn’t it that being around the ones we love more is what stresses us out?  The screaming kids, the grouchy spouse, the to-do list.  There’s no “me” time, let alone “couples” time for my wife and I anymore.  Really, to be fair, I’m going to be gone for a few days on business and I think she’s just stressing out ahead of time.  She can handle being alone with the kids, WAY better than I ever could, but still, just the thought of me being gone freaked her out I guess.  Her freak out + her stress + my using it as a crutch = almost going to the liquor store and to hell with it.

But I’m glad I didn’t.  One more notch on the post.

I still can’t imagine not ever getting drunk again, but I’m a little less angry about it now.  It’s prolly still sitting there simmering and if you stir the ashes you’ll get a flame; but at least it’s died down that far.

This coming weekend after I get back from the business trip I had already scheduled to be gone for the weekend on a bike hash.  It’s Interbash and a couple different mountain bike hash groups get together for an overnight camping bike ride drunken fest type thing.  I’m not going into it to get drunk, but I’ll prolly drink at least a little.  But, b/c of this trip and the timing, I may not go.  One, it’s kind of scuzzy ( I think) to be gone all week, then the weekend too. Two, I will/do miss my family and don’t want to be gone that much. C, it’s unfair to my wife to be gone and have her do everything for that long.  And finally, maybe it’s god sending me a sign I shouldn’t go b/c I would screw it up and get drunk, and get sick again, and yada yada yada.

we’ll see.


~ by sobriety6923 on March 1, 2010.

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