FAIL


Have been putting off posting this, but I need to stay accountable.

Made it to 4wks sober last week, kind of. (reference the earlier “this is a test” post)

Flew in Tues night, drinks on airplane; free drinks in first class! How could I not?!?!?! didn’t drink at hotel.

Worked wed, free drinks at hotel bar wed night, safe to say I wasn’t driving anywhere after. Free drinks at the hotel! How could I not?!?!?!

Thurs night, found a liquor store on way back to hotel, drinks at hotel, drinks at dinner, drink back at hotel room.

Friday had half the pint of whiskey left and couldn’t take on airplane with me. Moral dilemma WHILE SNEAKING INTO THE MENS BATHROOM AND SWIGGING IN A STALL. Only took one swig, then tossed the rest. All that was good for was getting me hot, not really a buzz. Then, drinks on the airplane. free drinks in first class! How could I not?!?!?! Then didn’t drink when I got home and haven’t drunk since.

So, that’s my FAIL. It was definitely nice unwinding that way. Wife asked me when I got home if I had drunk while I was there and if I got drunk. I told her the truth. She didn’t even really want to fight with me, so she just said how disappointed she was and left it at that.

The counter has re-started and we’re on day 4 now. It’s like I’m re-doing all the stages of grief all over again. Still angry, still rationalizing, still in denial.

I don’t care. I hate being sober. The pain I felt in my chest and my arm is a distant memory. All the mental reminders I’ve left myself are easily brushed aside. The good and better times I’m able to have now with my family are of no concern.

All I can think about is my next drink….and how I’m not allowed to have it.

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~ by sobriety6923 on March 9, 2010.

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