I envy you your faith

…how do I find mine?

one of the major tenets of the 12 step program is to surrender to a higher power.  doesn’t have to be god or jesus or whatever, just a higher, supreme being.  I can’t even do that.

I just can’t, or won’t I guess.  I can’t convince myself that there is a god.  I spose I at least believe in some sort of intelligent creator that made the universe, but there’s just so many interpretations out there of what god is.  I was raised catholic and used to have a fairly strong faith.  Nowadays, there’s just more questions than anything.  I went from having my beliefs, to having to question my beliefs b/c of my wife and how she was raised in the Church of Christ, and now I’m so far out there I don’t know what I believe.

Science everyday discovers more about our world and our universe that just throw so much confusion into my mind.  I spose my take on everything is this:

– the writers of the bible left out stuff in the bible like dinosaurs and aliens, and whatnot b/c they had no friggin clue about any of it, b/c they didn’t have science

– the fidelity of the bible is just very careful meticulous writing over several centuries by different authors connected somehow

– the miracles described in the bible are just occurrences that seemed like miracles that could be discredited easily by modern science and knowledge; and have just been propagated over the centuries.  phone game.  whisper a secret in my ear, then I do it to someone, then they do, then they do, then so on…and see how much the story changes.  we played that in 2nd grade

so either there is a god or there isn’t.  either the universe was created by a big bang, or there’s some way to reconcile what we know via science and what the bible teaches.

i don’t know.


~ by sobriety6923 on March 9, 2010.

2 Responses to “I envy you your faith”

  1. Just happened across your blog by accident, really. It’s funny I used to be where you are…on faith. You know what happened? One day out of the clear blue God came along and nothing’s been the same since. Wish I had some advice to give you. I don’t. But I’ll think good thoughts for you because you seem like an honest person. Take care!

  2. Hi There

    thanks for the comment. Maybe someday I’ll wake up. I’m hearing but not listening maybe. I’ve always like the analogy about walking along the beach and looking back to see the footprints in the sand of your life and during the hardest parts there was only one set, instead of two the rest of the time.

    take care yourself.

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