…insert life event here…happened, but I didn’t drink

I’m getting better. I can tell I am. The cravings still come hard and fast during times of stress, but for right now, where I’m at right at this moment, I’m able to hold the line.

Last night could have been a doozy. Wife is sick, daughter’s got a thing I had to take her to after work, I biked to work so I had to bike home early, turn’n burn to get the daughter where she needed to go, and I had to take the boy with too so my wife could rest. I kind of lost it while in the car with the kids trying to talk to them about their day, but I was able to work past it, then the rest of the evening was fine. Ended up having a great time with both kids and got them fed, home, in bed, and was able to not drink last night.

It’s a great thing that kids are so resilient and can forgive so easily. Last night overnight wasn’t that great either. I am not proud to say I lost it again. First the damn dog was barking at 1am, and obtw he’s sleeping in the boy’s room so I got up to let him out of the room so as not to (hopefully) wake him up. Next, the girl is up at 2am with a sore tummy. She’s been having mid-night sore tummies for a few days now. Granted she was sick last week throwing up, but it’s getting to the point where we think she’s milking it. Couple of nights ago my wife got up with her and ended up sleeping with her b/c she vomited, then kept her home from school and stayed home with her. My wife calls me later in the day and says to me “I think I got played” b/c she’s acting fine. Yup, played by a 5yr old. Gotta kind of appreciate that. So anyway, last night I’m up with my daughter, getting her a hot rag to put on her belly, but first thing I tell her is “you’ve still got to go to school”. So we do the hot rag a few times and then she starts in with “daddy, stay with me, sleep with me”. Well no. If you were really sick sure, but let’s see how sick you are. I go and get her some anti nausea medicine and give it to her….of course it’s yuck so I say she has to keep taking it if her belly hurts. Well whadduyah know…all of a sudden she’s fine. So, that’s over with, back to bed. Then around 4am the boy is up. Shit!, this is 3 fucking times now! I completely lose it. Did I mention that everytime one of them gets up they open our door which we have closed right now b/c we have two new cats who like to keep us up all night? He wants to sleep with mommy, but I’m gonna drag him back to his bed b/c there’s nothing wrong with him. But mommy steps in and lets him sleep with her, and I lose it some more b/c I stumbling around in the dark b/c there’s shit on the floor everywhere b/c we have two young kids and we don’t follow them around every step picking up their messes.

This morning my wife is saying “oh honey you did great last night”. No I didn’t, but thanks anyway. The point is tho I guess…that I could do it. Because I didn’t drink. How many times have I not been able to do something for them b/c I was too drunk to do anything then roll over and snore some more? In the car after the turn’n burn I wanted a drink horribly. But it went away, I was able to refocus and ended up having a good evening.

I think it’s b/c I’m going to mtgs that I was able to do that. I hear so many stories about people dying, or other catastrophes happening, but they didn’t drink and all I have to bitch about is everyday occurrences. Hearing their stories gives me strength.

My family’s also not a burden anymore. I guess they’re still a chore, but they’re no longer keeping me from drinking. I’m not drinking b/c of ME, not because I’m using them as a crutch.


~ by sobriety6923 on March 17, 2010.

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