I feel better

Wow, more than 2 months ago, I was a completely different person.  The way I feel now and the way I felt then are so opposite, it’s hard to put into words.

Since my first post about i-am-a-miserable-basterd, I have come around almost 180 degrees.  Only two months ago I would wake up in the morning and say to myself “still alive eh?”, kind of hoping that I wouldn’t wake up.  Only two months ago I didn’t care whether I lived or died, whether I’d be around to watch my kids grow up, whether I’d walk my daughter down the aisle.

that’s all changed now.  oh hell ya I want to be there to walk my daughter down the aisle.  yer damn skippy I want to teach my son how to ride a mtb trail.  I want to live.  That in itself is a revelation.  I’ve said that before, and it’s such a simple statement, yet so profound.  For so long I’ve been killing myself and not giving a damn.  the apathy that encroaches due to the poison is overwhelming.

so often I bitch about stuff on this blog, I just wanted to put this out there that I am feeling better now.  I’ve surprised myself and it’s amazing how much better I feel.  2 months ago, in the early days of going to meetings folks told me, “you’ll feel better”, “you won’t be so apathetic”, “the cravings will pass”, and of course I didn’t believe them b/c I have to see things for myself before I’ll believe anything.  Well, now that I’m 2 months in and obviously an expert I can see these things that alcohol blinded me to before.

If you’re here and you’re hurting, just keep at it.  Find a way that will work for you.  Go to meetings, get a sponsor, hell, comment here or email me.  It does get better.

If you’re going through hell, just keep going.

~ by sobriety6923 on April 27, 2010.

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