What do I want to do with my life?

Srsly.  I’m almost 34.  I’ve got at least another 20 years of this BS RE: working.  I always thought growing up I’d go to school, then get a job and then raise a family. Well, check, check, and check in progress.  What else?  Mold my kids?  I dunno.

Most of the time nowadays I feel like I’m never going to die.   You know…the old “god put me on this earth to accomplish a certain amount of things and I’m so far behind I’m never going to die” thing.

drinking takes the edge off the crap in life I have to deal with.  I spose that’s why I’m so enamored with it.  At the end of the day, after completing all the tasks for the day, that’s the easiest way to unwind and chillax.  Unfortunately, I don’t think my body is going to agree with another 20 yrs of the last 12.

and even if a won the lottery, I’d still have to live.  I wouldn’t have to go to a job in the sense of working, but I’d still have to raise the kids and grow old with my wife.  god, I make it sound like such a chore don’t I?  Single childless people just don’t know what they’re missing.  I love my kids, I love my wife, I don’t love the thought of working another 20 fucking years.

so what to do then?  pray for lotto?  start a business?  find what pleasure I can as I do what I have to in order to do what I want to?  well, that’s another problem, what do I want to do?  I don’t know.  Drink? yes, but nope, too much of that already.  bike, hell yeah, but finding time to do it is the suxor.  take a vacation to the mountains?  oh hell yeah, but that presents its own set of problems.

i dunno mang, I just dunno.


~ by sobriety6923 on May 27, 2010.

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