I can’t drink.

I can’t drink.  I can’t drink.  I can’t drink.

I’m just not able to wrap my head around that.  Now granted, I’ve gone from well over 10oz (read: 10 shots equiv) per night down to maybe 7 beers in 1 month, but I’m still not able to wrap my head around that last 7.

A couple beers here or there with dinner…what’s the harm?

A few beers every couple weeks on a hash ride….what’s the big deal?

Well, I spose the big deal is I most likely have Alcoholic Liver Disease (ALD).  Despite normal bloodwork, and a CT scan that only shows a mildly fatty liver, I’ve convinced myself I am indeed sick.

It’s just in the way I feel.  Now, I don’t feel bad, per se’, but I’m not my old self either.  I get tired so easy, I don’t have the physical stamina anymore, I’m finding myself losing my balance here or there ever so slightly….

Now, is this all just normal stuff and it’s been there all along and I’m just now noticing it?  Or is it something to really be concerned about? Or am I just coming down with a cold from my kids?  The more reading I do about ALD, the more scared it makes me.  Did you know 50% of folks with liver disease have NO symptoms?  Symptoms can include jaundice (no), whitish curled fingernails (no), fatigue (yes), nausea (sometimes, but it could be from a few different things), dark urine (no), wait for it, TMI in 3, 2, 1….light or dark colored stool depending on the problem (yes sometimes), and a host of other things that may or may not be specific to ALD.

That’s the thing, currently, testing for liver disease is not an exact science.  I just know my history and I know my symptoms.  I can’t even go for a ride anymore without being wiped out.  Ya sure, I used to go on this specific ride before and be real tired, but not wiped out like this. (To be clear we are talking about a fairly kick ass mtb ride on a local trail, not just a jaunt around the neighborhood or to work) Now, is it b/c I’ve been riding less lately, or it’s so hot out, or MY FREAKING LIVER IS DYING ON ME OH THE HORROR.  I don’t know.

I can’t drink.  Not even a few beers here or there?  Not right now.  I’m gonna try to give it the 6 wks they say it takes to clear up fatty liver and see then.  Next doc apt is end of Sept, about 6 wks after the fatty liver diagnosis.  The good news is subsequent bloodwork has already seen normal liver enzymes from slightly elevated.  So hopefully, no cirrhosis, mild fatty liver just a result of acute hepatitis from binge in June, it’ll return to normal, I’ll get my life back on track and keep my head on straight, and I’ll live on out to a ripe old age now that I actually care about it.

I knew this day would come too.  I knew all those years that I was drinking and didn’t care whether I lived or how old I would be when it killed me that there was a chance I would someday care, but by then it would be too late.  ya, I know, hindsight’s 20/20 and all that….well I care now, and I’m hoping (praying even maybe?  that’s a story for a different time) it’s not too late.

I can’t drink.


~ by sobriety6923 on August 20, 2010.

One Response to “I can’t drink.”

  1. good post. it the process.

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