The rapist plays me like a fiddle


Ooops, sorry, left an extra space in there. That should have been “therapist”.

I have begun seeing a therapist. But I can’t help but think of it as seeing the rapist. It’s an old Benny Hill joke, and he prolly got it from somewhere else himself. And if you’ve been reading here long enough you know that I can just about relate anything to any old movie or song or something I’ve digested in my life. I’ve told her about this blog so I imagine she’ll read this. But if she’s never heard that one before I’ll be surprised.

Went and saw a therapist last week. Gonna be trying to see her a couple times a week here for awhile, whatever the insurance will pay for. I spose I’m not too intent on self improvement if it costs too much. I am not willing to save myself if I have anything more than a copay, right?

So, the first mtg is like a how are you nice to meet you type intro. She took notes and asked a few questions to kind of get a feel for whether she thought she could help me, and I on the other side had the opportunity to discover whether I thought I could accept her help I spose. Well, I guess we found ourselves mutually agreeable b/c I’ve got the apt’s scheduled.

Well, she has a plan for me. Inpatient Rehab, 90 in 90, outpatient rehab, and seeing her. Hold up waita minute….rehab? fuck that. They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no. 2 wks of no work, no family, just doing whatever they make you do in “rehab”. Again with the fuck that and only 2 wks b/c that’s what ins pays for. I don’t need your steps, and I sure as hell don’t need your rehab. I can do this myself, thank you just fine. I am actually at the point where I would hate, HATE, being away from my family for 2 wks. The old me would’ve thought that was a vacation.

Well, I can’t do this myself, I spose that’s why I’m here talking to you in the first place. But hey, I’m an engineer, this is nothing more than a problem that needs a solution. If there was a problem yo I’ll solv…..errr, let’s not.

Solutions come in many different forms and combinations. Pinch of blog here, dash of moderation there, throw in an occasional meeting, verify the results….tweak a little further with some therapist sessions…..adjust the mix as needed until the desired result is achieved.

I like her already tho, she saw right through the bullshit. She called me out on it, and she even called me arrogant. Not denying it, but it’s been awhile since anyone called me that. It was refreshing. As soon as I told her I was an engineer she called me out on that too, (see above this is a just a problem/solution….) She also said it was obvious I was very intelligent, blah blah blah…..played me like a fiddle. But that’s what it needs to be like. If you can pick this lock, then you deserve the thorny crown and keys to the kingdom.

Give me the child

Through Dangers untold and Hardships unnumbered

I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City

To take back the child that you have stolen

For my will is as strong as yours

And my Kingdom is as great

You have no power over me

you have no power over me

90 in 90 means 90 AA meetings in 90 days. Holy shit, that’s a lot. That’s almost 13 weeks of meetings straight. EVERY.DAY. that’s fucking overload. I don’t know if I could take 90 days straight of those losers. (really?, REALLY? You’re not seeing your own irony here? Heh heh heh) Of course I’m not a loser, I don’t need to go that often. Hell, I don’t even go anymore. Well what’s ya sponsah say about that? Oh you don’t have a sponsah? Well how bout that? No wondah yau’re drunk again. Ironic that this is my 90th post by the way. didn’t see that one coming till after I had already posted this and was doing a little editing.

Seeing her. I’ll take whatever’s behind door #3 Bob! I’ll go see her for awhile and let her yell at me for a bit. I’ve only seen her once but already a couple things she’s said have stuck with me. And it’s totally because she was playing up to my arrogance. PhD yo, psyops, mostly we just fuck with people’s heads. Gold star for whomever can figure out which movie that’s from. She gave me the example of a guy she had seen in years past, a really smart guy, scientist engineer type. All those years he had been drinking he had been getting along fine at work, but when he quit, his productivity and capability at his job just went off the charts. And he told her: he had never realized how much the drinking was impeding his capability to engineer shit. Ya, she totally played me with that. It’s all good tho. That’s the kind of stuff I need/want.

Footyball. Went to my friend’s house Saturday night as planned. Brought a 6 pack. Only drank 3, didn’t really want more; I mean I could have, but I was good with just that. That’s another thing….the rapist told me I was crazy to go to my friend’s house. Ya, I might be. Not discounting it. Why surround myself with temptation during recovery right? Had a good time even tho my Gator’s got their butts handed to em. Bama’s a helluva team. Hopefully we’ll see em in Atlanta in December and even up that loss.

Great weekend tho. Used to be I looked forward to going back to work just to get away from the weekend craziness with the family. It’s still craziness, but I welcome it now, and enjoy it.

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~ by sobriety6923 on October 4, 2010.

One Response to “The rapist plays me like a fiddle”

  1. Thank goodness Mr Arrogant Engineer got a therapist! More power to her!!

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