Road Trip

you ever see Shawshank Redemption?  towards the end Morgan Freeman has made parole and found the box left for him by Andy; and is doing the monologue while he’s skipping parole on the bus down to San Watanayo (sp?)

that’s me right now.  skipping parole from all the bad stuff I made in my old life.  Starting a new life, here with my family, that will be leaving, but at least they’re here now and I’m glad and grateful for that.  We spent the night in a hotel last night because we didn’t feel like driving all the way through, and it has an indoor pool, which the kids loved.  this morning I couldn’t sleep so I got up and started surfing, and said what the heck it’s been awhile let’s jot a few things down.

I’ve had so many ideas for posts the last few weeks, but never made the time to jot any of them down, and I’ll be damned if I can remember any of them right now.  maybe they’ll come back to me, maybe they won’t.

I’m at the juncture of doubt.  Have I done the right thing?  Have I made the right decisions?  I imagine every great historical figure ever had their moments of self doubt but you don’t read about that in the history books; just the triumphs or failures.  I’m excited, doubtful, worried, etc, etc,….

through it all I have been drinking.  there’s been a few times of being on the brink of the old bad ways during all this.  mostly it’s been a couple here or there (rationalization much); BUT, I’ve had an epiphany.  Step 1 complete.  I AM POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL.  I’m finally ready to admit it.  the rapist would be proud.  maybe.  I don’t know how or why it came, but it finally did; and it wasn’t even a big resounding boom or anything.  It was just like an after thought.  (you know you’re powerless over this shit right?….ya I spose I am)  and that’s how easy it was.  just kind of snuck in there after all the strife and conflict.

so, new life imminent, the kids are up, we’re starting our day, and I’ve finally made step 1.  It’s a relief. one less thing to worry about.  2 and a half hours on the road today and we’ll be starting the new life.  Me here, them here for the holidays, then me alone and them back home.

and miles to go before I sleep.


~ by sobriety6923 on December 22, 2010.

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