You Can’t Understand The User’s Mind

If you’re not a user (booze, drugs, name your addiction), you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about when you start judging a person that’s addicted.  Sorry man, you’re my friend and I respect your opinion, and I know you’ve got a job to do, and I know you expect us to do ours; but this is a fucking disease unlike any you’ve ever experienced.  It’s so hard to try to describe to you what it’s like too. and in no way am I making excuses for the situation the user has found themselves in or the series of choices that led them there, I’m just trying to make you understand a little.

Even if you’re sober, it’s always there.  Even if you’ve been sober for years, it’s still there.  Sitting in the background in the corner, just waiting, patiently for you to come on over and ask it to dance again.  Imagine your worst vice…cookies? coca cola?  french fries? now multiply the craving by 1000 and throw in hangovers and withdrawals, and you’re getting close.

All a user wants is to use.  That’s it.  Anything that gets in the way of that is a hindrance.  Job? Family?  Wife, kids?  They’re all standing between the user and the user’s high.  GTFO of the way, and gimme my drug of choice.

And while using, the user is so depressed and out of touch with normal reality that ya, to the non user that user is shirking his duties as work, or neglecting his family, or whatever else.  And he or she is most likely.  Maybe the user wants to get back to normal but doesn’t know how or isn’t strong enough alone.  Maybe he/she is past the point of caring and is in the last throes of the tailspin.  All I’m asking is that first you try to help the user man.  If you’re rebuked, fine, it’s on us.  Our fuckup.  More flies with honey, and if we turn you down, then fuck it.  file your 3 inches of paperwork and get us shitcanned.  Just don’t go in there all guns blazing first.  Just my request to you.

I’m lucky, I’m better now.  Others aren’t so much.  I’m trying, and failing sometimes but for the most part doing hella better.  Just go to your user and offer help, but don’t give them a choice. Make the user go get help, or make them GTFO.  We will weasel away any way we can.

what’s your drug of choice?  well what’ve you got.  It don’t matter man.

Lyrics to Junkhead by Alice In Chains:
A good night, the best in a long time
A new friend turned me on to an old favorite
Nothing better than a dealer who’s high
Be high, convince them to buy

What’s my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don’t go broke
And I do it alot

Seems so sick to the hypocrite norm
Running their boring drills
But we are an elite race of our own
The stoners, junkies, and freaks

Are you happy? I am, man.
Content and fully aware
Money, status, nothing to me.
‘Cause your life is empty and bare

What’s my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don’t go broke
And I do it alot
I do it alot

You can’t understand a user’s mind
But try, with your books and degrees
If you let yourself go and opened your mind
I’ll bet you’ll be using like me
And it ain’t so bad

What’s my drug of choice?
Well, what have you got?
I don’t go broke
And I do it alot
Say, I do it alot

I do it alot!
I do it alot!
Say, I do it alot!


~ by sobriety6923 on January 22, 2011.

13 Responses to “You Can’t Understand The User’s Mind”

  1. You are better but, sorry To tell you this, but you aren’t the best you can be–yet! Just an opinion, take it or leave it.
    In response to an earlier post about wanting your family back–just my opinion again, are you really ready to be back with them or are you just tired of being alone? You gave up a shitload to get yourself together, why would you welcome them back if you aren’t together yet? Have you really worked on yourself? Found yourself? Found a balance or at least some control over your addiction? If you have, then Wow, productive month! If I was your family and had to live without you so you could get yourself together I sure as hell wouldn’t want you calling me back until you really were together! Don’t waste their time and lives or your either!

  2. good food for thought there red. to answer, I am definitely better, but no I’m prolly not where I need to be.

  3. Just my drive and determination talking! Maybe it will be catching.

  4. so HOW do I work on it? I can sit here and say oh ya I’m better, I didn’t drink last night, I only had a few beers with dinner at the restaurant the other night, but haven’t been drinking at home for awhile and all that, but how do I KNOW I’m better? Is it quantifiable? Stats for drinking are down ma’am, he must be better…or is it some feeling I should or shouldn’t have? I just don’t feel like drinking today/tonight, etc….oh well you should go to meetings and get a sponsor and all this other stuff…I just don’t know.

    srsly, I’m asking.

  5. You could have reduced the amount consumed at home, around your family-right? You moved, yes, for a job but, you said that you wanted to be alone to not have the stress of, basically life.
    SO–take advantage of being alone to fix it! Find a therapist, find an AA meeting, find another way to handle stress that is positive! When your family returns they deserve a new hubby, a new daddy, and a new man!
    You often stroke your intelligence, so I know that you are cognitively capable of putting things in place but are you strong enough too??

  6. Interesting. It is undeniably difficult for someone who does not “use” to understand someone who does, nigh on impossible. I’ve heard that kind of talk before, as a non user, not to go in with guns blazing. But sometimes, after so much frustration and heartache, it happens. Whether it was intended or not. Non users can be just as fallible as users.

  7. Wow, i dont know what to say, except that Anonymous is obviously not a person that has an addiction. I am. I know that it is very easy for an outsider to say,” just stop drinking”.I wish I could, as I am sure you would like to as well. However that’s not how it works. I have the best intentions every single day when I wake up. Somehow, someway it all gets fucked up and by the end of the day Im drunk. I think that sober people use rational thinking to make their observations….try using “drunk thinking” and see where that goes.

  8. @gubby – yup, I’m sure GOV isn’t a user too, as indicated in his/her comment, but we as users have to try and see their side too, as I’m asking them to see ours. how many times has a loved one had their hopes dashed the next time we came home drunk or just got drunk period? how many times can they raise their hopes and have them dashed before they just give up hope?

    now, that said,

    @GOV – we are trying, and we want, believe us, we want to return to your world of normal, but a non user just doesn’t get how hard that it. I think gubby put it great with try getting through a day drunk and see what kind of dumb ass decisions you make. now string a bunch of those together, and then try to just quit. nowhere near as easy as it sounds.

  9. You know, I’ve noticed over the years that alcoholics and addicts tend to think of themselves as an almost elite group that “no one understands.” Us non-users just don’t get it. You’re almost patronizing about how sober people just don’t understand how hard it is to be an alcoholic. Alcoholics have all of this angst about how sober people just don’t understand their problems and fears and their fucked-up lives that led them to their bar stools.

    By the same token, without a doubt, you alcoholics have no idea how hard it is to be the sober one.

    Laying in bed at night next to my alcoholic, there’s a warm body next to mine, but the person inside that body is a million miles away from me. We have two kids to raise, two jobs, a mortgage, credit card debt and leaky faucets. Just like everyone else.

    But I’m all alone here in my world of normal soberness. The alcoholic washes his worries down with some beer and a booze chaser. The sober people do the worrying for everybody. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

    And then the panic starts to set in. What am I gonna do? Will hubby end up as a urine-soaked vegetable? Is he gonna kill someone drunk driving and end up as somebody’s butt-buddy in prison? Do I plead with him once more to get help? Or should I keep my mouth shut and watch him kill himself ever so slowly?

    I toss and turn. Shit, I can’t sleep. Hubby’s sawing logs over there, drunk and oblivious. I’m laying here with my eyes open trying to visualize our lives in five years, ten years. I cry and I pray and I suck it up and keep going and smile at everyone when I really want to scream. And then I cry some more and then there’s a good day and I hope hope hope. And then I cry some more and pray and suck it up. It’s nowhere near as easy as it sounds.

    Some nights hubby stays up late. There’s not a warm body next to mine. He’s in the basement getting real liquored up. He’s lost in his booze. I go to bed alone. Then I hear the creak of the stairs. And then the creak of the floor in the hallway. And then I hear him coming in the bedroom. Crap, he’s drunk. Crap, he hates himself. Crap, he’s gonna take it out on me. Crap, you can’t reason with a drunk when they’re drunk. My heart starts pounding and my breathing gets fast and my mouth is dry and I’m real scared cuz I know what’s coming.

    It’s nowhere near as easy as it sounds.

    Maybe us sober people know a little bit about having to struggle with an issue. Maybe us sober people understand fear and loneliness and fucked-up lives and angst. Maybe us sober people want to return to a world of normal too.

  10. I cannot help but agree with Horse-Girl. Of course I would, since I am in the same position as her. But doesn’t it sound like a terrible position to be in? People who do not have these issues cannot begin to imagine the horror of what the partner of an alcoholic goes through. Each of us, alcoholic and partner, is in a kind of hell. It is not right to assume that it is easy for us, and that we do not have the right to be angry and upset when we find ourselves in the same chaotic mess over and over again. It is inevitable that we get pushed too far and try and scream sense into you, futile as it too often is.

  11. To Horse Girl, thank you so much for your vivid account of what you live through! My heart is heavy for you! I can only hope that this friend of mine reads your account over and over, takes it to heart, and puts steps in place to treat his illness. What a waste of his life and those that share their lives with him!

  12. The one thing I’ve noticed about users is that they are absolute experts at making everyone else feel guilty and responsible for their actions. Over and over I hear the “poor me…you don’t understand…it’s hard” and my absolute favorite “I have a DISEASE!”
    My answer is so what? You aren’t the only person with a screwed up life, problems, or a disease. If someone I love has cancer and refuses to get treatment, you better believe I’m going to yell at him, drag him to the hospital, and point out how he’s dissapointing everyone. Now, if that cancer had the ability to kill me, hurt my family…yeah, I’d be saying “suck it up and get help, because it’s not just about you, you selfish ass!”
    Posts like this just piss me off…I’ve never been a user so I don’t get it. No one ever said it was easy to stop drinking. No one said you can just stop and do it on your own. That’s why you need to go to REHAB. Where someone else can force you to do it. And don’t fool yourself into thinking that being alone in the mountains is rehab. You can’t do this yourself. If there’s any meaning in your post, it’s that. You don’t have the ability to take care of this on your own. So stop trying to fool yourself and everyone else and go get the help your family needs you to get.

  13. Dear Heavenly Father – I thought this might be a good time to invite You into this discussion. Not everyone who reads this blog believes in You, and I know you’re cool with that. But for those of us that do, could You please offer us some guidance?

    Bless us and open our hearts and minds to the idea that You love us all, the addicted people and the sober people, and that You’ll meet us where we stand right at this moment, no matter how messed up we are, and join us in our daily walks through life. I thank You and I ask this of You. Amen.

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