This is how

this isn’t quite the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy or anything, but if you’re sober, and trying to understand an alcoholic mind, this may give you some insight.

This is how you may get me to stop drinking.

I will get away with anything you let me.  and when you get in my face about it I may hate you for it. Until I want to stop drinking for ME, I will resent anything else that is forcing me to stop drinking; UNTIL I come to terms with it.

your job is to be passive aggressive towards me.  If we’ve got money problems, suggest how we could save money by drinking less.  If I’ve got health problems, suggest how my drinking is raising my blood pressure, scarring my liver, adding weight, etc, etc, etc….I had to get to the point of hospitalization a couple times before I started paying attention to my body.  I didn’t want to quit.  not for me, not for my family, just because it was finally smacking me in the face and the hangovers weren’t just hangovers anymore.  chest pains all day, shortness of breath, tingling in both arms and hands, nausea, lethargy.  If I’ve lost friends or don’t keep in touch with family anymore, suggest it may be that the liquor has taken the place of real relationships in my life and all i care about anymore is what’s in the bottle.  If apathy has overtaken me, it’s because all I care about is that next drink.  I still love you.  I still love the kids.  <you’ll see this as an excuse> but the liquor has drowned any motivation I had to show you any of it.  I drink because I’m miserable.  I’m miserable because i drink.  At some point I’ll get off this merry go round, either because I’m dead, or because I finally got my head on straight.  and even if I do get my head on straight there may be so much permanent damage done to my body that it’s irreversible.  I don’t care about that right now.  I’ll care about it later.  Right now, just poor another drink.

I can’t handle the pressures of everyday life so I self medicate.

I need you to be firm with me, but gentle.  It’s a fine line to walk between being a supportive loving spouse and a bitchy nagging ball and chain.  I don’t envy you at all.

~ by sobriety6923 on February 3, 2011.

6 Responses to “This is how”

  1. The way a wedding between an alcoholic and a sober person would sound like if everyone was honest:

    THE MINISTER: Sober one, do you promise to clean up after the mess that your alcoholic is going to make of his/her life?

    Do you promise to take care of everything while your
    alcoholic breezes through life in a haze? Do you promise to try to shield your children from your alcoholic spouse’s drunkeness?

    Do you promise to keep your mouth shut when your alcoholic has the worst hangover of his/her life and you’d really like to run around clapping and cheering because maybe the pain they’re in might keep them from drinking tonight?

    Do you promise to have sex with your alcoholic even though they smell like a brewery and treated you like crap last night?

    Do you promise to miss social events that you’d really like to attend but you don’t because your alcoholic might get drunk and embarrass you?

    Do you promise to miss social events that you’d really like to attend but you don’t because your alocholic won’t go if alcohol isn’t served?

    Do you promise to lovingly accept the fact that if you’d like to have an intelligent conversation with your alcoholic, that you better do it before 7:00 p.m.?

    Do you promise that you’ll do back flips, go to depressing Alanon meetings, read blogs written by other alcoholics, read books about addiction, and start seeing a counselor all in the feeble attempt that you’ll finally know the right thing to say or do that gets your alcoholic to open their eyes and stop drinking?

    Do you promise to accept the fact that by the time your alcoholic does stop drinking, it will probably be too late to save your relationship or their career or their health?

    Do you promise to only whisper the words “fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life” instead of screaming them so that you don’t embarrass your alcoholic?

    SOBER ONE: I do.

    MINISTER: I now pronounce you alcoholic and bitchy, nagging ball & chain. (insert applause.)

  2. So basically tell you the truth!!

  3. For some reason my name didn’t appear.
    Horse-Girl takes full responsibility for the bitterness and hostility displayed in the first comment to your blog posting for today, Mr. Hitchhiker.

  4. I will never understand it. The Alcoholic won’t extend himself to see the pressure and the pain andd the chaos he is putting himself and his spouse through and as a result, the spouse cannot extend themselves to molly-coddle the alcoholic through their compulsive deception and manipulation.
    Why can’t you and everyone like you understand that we want to help? But you think it is your perrogative to crap all over everything. I was sick as a dog yesterday, but I cleaned the house and cooked a dinner and looked after the dog. My partner never came home. When he did eventually lurch in the door, he roared at me that he didn’t love me then he fell in a heap on the bed, streaking his mucky shoes all over the clean quilt. We only have a one bedroom place so I had no choice but to sit up waiting for him to nod off before I could even think about going to bed, sick as I was. Otherwise I would have to put up with him shouting rubbish in my ear. A few more hours passed and I couldn’t stay awake any longer, I stepped into the hall and the foulest smell hit me. I couldn’t figure it out. When I turned on the light in the bedroom, I saw he had vomited all over the floor, himself and the quilt. The stench was atrocious. Not only that he vomited directly over a patch off carpet that I only recently got cleaned after he smashed a bottle of wine on it with a hammer (he couldn’t find a corkscrew).
    When he has a few days sobriety behind him, he is great. But this morning, after the crap he pulled the night previous, he acted like I was out of order for questioning his activity and being frustrated. How can you not see how wrong that is, and that it should have consequences?? Why is that behaviour acceptable, just because you have a problem?

    • Hey there Vice
      I totally agree with you how wrong that is. I don’t advocate that kind of behavior. But that said I also don’t appreciate the stereotype. One person’s behavior can’t be used to judge an entire genre. I love my family. I always did. I just didn’t realize it. I was a slave to my addiction. I still am. I did things and do things still I regret. I mourn your pain. The only thing that ever worked with me was an ultimatum. Despite all my bitching and posturing I chose (to one degree or another) those I love. Best of luck to you. Vent anytime.

  5. I am very sorry I didn’t mean to stereotype, I was just upset because of what happened and I certainly shouldn’t have been so angry there.
    You can see the stereotype for what it is because you have made it through to a place we know nothing of yet, I guess.

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