Last Look


no, I’m not about to go shoot up a church or anything, I just really love this scene and these movies. and if you’ve been here long enough you know what a thing I have for movie quotes.

Thank You Asheville for all that you’ve given me.  In the short time I’ve been here I believe I’ve learned many, many things.  I’ve learned how much I love and miss my family when I used to curse them because they were a hindrance to my drinking.  I’ve learned I don’t have to get drunk all the time.  I’ve learned I don’t have to get drunk.  I’ve learned I can live without TV(as long as I’ve got netflix that is).  I’ve learned I can adapt as needed to fit most situations I’m in.  I’ve learned I can go make new friends if I want to.  I’ve learned I can have a better relationship with God.  I’ve learned I can pray and ask for help if I need to.

I believe God put me here for a reason.  I believe I was laid off and found this job so I could come here and learn what a precious gift my family and kids are.  I believe my coming here was/is a lesson I’m supposed to learn so that I can remember it in years to come if I ever let my demons gain more control over me as they’ve had in years past.

so, even tho I’m finally getting around to posting this a week late, thanks again Asheville.  I’ll remember you fondly, but I’m on to better things now, back with my family and a renewed vigor for being a family man.

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~ by sobriety6923 on March 22, 2011.

3 Responses to “Last Look”

  1. This is going to sound pretty bitchy. But I don’t care. This is all anonymous, right? I’ll never meet you or any of your readers. And who knows, maybe some of them will share my sentiments.

    Yes, I’m happy for everything that you espoused in “Last Look” Obviously this is the outcome that everyone has been praying for. (Those of us that pray, anyway) Make no mistake about it, I’m glad you appear to have come to your senses and have a grip on this thing and are moving on. Yay for you!! It is my sincerest hope for you and your family that this lasts, and that we never see a return of the man who wrote the blog posts from a year ago.

    However, (Bitch alert!) What if the wife had said, jeez, honey, it was kinda nice while you were gone. I rather enjoyed not having to monitor your drinking, I don’t think I want you to come home. What if?

    Do you realize how flippin’ lucky you are that she’s standing there with open arms?? I hope you do.

    What step are you on? Aren’t you at two? You need to jump to the step where you make amends. You need to get down on your damn knees and thank the Lord that your wife is standing at the front door welcoming you home. You need to make amends to her, Mr. Blog Author. Your kids are probably (hopefully) too young to have any long-term effects from your past drinking.

    But the spouses, we remember. We’re hurt. Make it right with her. I guess I shouldn’t try to speak for her, I don’t know her.

    I will just say that as a spouse of an alcoholic, my husband’s new soberness (thank God) comes a little too late, with not enough contrition. Don’t be arrogant enough to assume that your new attitude about drinking less (we can’t quite call it soberness yet) is enough to overcome years and years of hurt. Find out. If it’s not, then make the amends that are necessary.

    The intended audience for the rest of this comment, Mr. Blog Author, are the alcoholics who are still struggling.

    Mr. Author here is one of the lucky ones. He got a grip on his problem (we hope) before his life was completely ripped to shreds. It sounds like it’s repairable. Wife and kids are happy to have him home. His liver is still functioning. He’s still employable.

    HE’S A LUCKY MAN. Trust me, some alcoholics wait until it’s too late.
    They’re either divorced or fired or homeless or dead. Or all of the above, in that order. You can’t go to an AA meeting if you’re dead.

    If you’re struggling, if you don’t know if you can get and stay sober, if you’re thinking you’ve got time to figure this out – YOU DON’T.

    The clock is ticking on your relationships, on your job, on your health. The clock is ticking on your life. I’m not being melodramatic here. There will come a point when it’s TOO LATE to save your marriage. TOO LATE to save your liver. TOO LATE to save your life.

    Whatever you gotta do, however you gotta do it, I don’t care, but find the strength and the power to say NO to that next drink. Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom.

    Someone I loved, they hit their rock bottom in the county morgue wearing a toe tag. Homeless. Alone.

    Someone else I loved, they hit their rock bottom in a hospital bed when their heart monitor went to a flat line. Had a home. Had people crying over them. Not alone. Still dead, though.

    Someone else I love is discovering that their rock bottom comes after they get sober when their wife is thinking “Yay, I don’t have to take care of you anymore. That means I can leave you now.”

    Please don’t wait until it’s too late to fix your life. Fix it today.

  2. are you allowed to take the steps out of order? I wonder. 1? done. 2? done. 3? not so much. 4? ya I think I’m fairly self aware. 5? meh, but I’m catholic so I spose I could just go take confession. 6? nope, gonna be awhile. 7? ya, sometimes, but other times no. 8? that’ll be a big one. but no for right now. 9? this would be the one you’re referencing. I hadn’t thought about it, but it would be a good discussion to have with my wife. 10? ooh, a closed loop system! when an error is present, take corrective action to return to normal steady state! 11? ya, I’ve been getting better at that lately. 12? nope, that one needs work too.

    sooo, some I’ve got, others I don’t. no specific plan to work them, just letting them come as they will. in the meantime tho, I don’t even know if my wife would know what to say to me if I came to her with “honey, what can I do to make the past better?”.

    What would you do, Mrs Bitter Commenter?…if your hubby suddenly came to you like that?

  3. Well, that’s a good question, Mr. Author. But I have three alcoholics, not just one.

    I guess I’d have to start with my dad, my first alcoholic. He’d have to apologize for every time I wanted his attention, and he was too inebriated (you know, with my dad, drunk sounds too harsh) and couldn’t give me the attention I wanted.

    I’d have him apologize for teaching me how to pump the keg that he and his buddies would get on the weekends. What little girl should know how to pump a keg and tip the glass to pour a beer? I’d have him apologize for every night I sat awake worried that he’d fall asleep with a cigarette. I’d like him to apologize that I couldn’t just be a little girl with no worries.

    I’d like him to tell me that he’s sorry that his daughter’s love wasn’t enough to keep him sober.

    Then moving on to my brother, I’d have him apologize for killing himself when I begged him not to. I’d have him apologize for all the messes he made out of his life that I had to clean up after he died. (If I mentioned the whole list, we’d all be here half the day.)

    I’d like him to tell me that he’s sorry that his sister’s love wasn’t enough to keep him sober.

    Then moving on to hubby, I’d like him to tell me he’s sorry for all the times he got so drunk and got so mean. That he’s sorry for all the times he was so drunk that he was oblivious to the fact that I needed him. That he’s sorry for the fact that he missed so many years of our kids’ lives by separating himself from them so they wouldn’t see him drunk.

    I’d like him to say he’s sorry for all the times he didn’t support his wife when he should have. (If I gave examples, we’d be here until next week.) I’d like him to apologize for the fact that he didn’t get a clue that his behavior was inappropriate until I packed up and left and had to traumatize the kids by moving out to get his attention.

    I’d like him to tell me that he’s sorry that his wife’s love wasn’t enough to keep him sober.

    ********************

    As a side note, after conferring with another friend who has been through AA, apparently skipping steps is not a wise choice. Please disregard my advice in that regard.

    And I apologize for any bitterness I have displayed on your blog. I have these cold spots that normally hide in my heart and soul, but sometimes I let them out to play.

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