Response to Comment on Fucking Up


First, go read this

Now read my <responses> to one of the comments…(great friggin comment btw). Comment was way too good just to leave languishing on the end of a post.

from Anonymous……I’m logging in as a guest. Not because you know me and I’m trying to stay anonymous but because I’m a coward and I don’t want anyone, even complete strangers to have any idea who I am regarding this struggle.<dude, it’s the internet, make up a name> Apparently we have a lot in common: we’re about the same age, have kids, enjoy the outdoors, are trying to find our place with religion, we tend to drink too much, are somewhat self-centered, and we’re highly educated with marginal grammar skills when it comes to writing on the internet ;) <oh c’mon, there’s a difference between skills and laziness>

Dude, I read most of your posts in one day <impressive> to get (caught-up) and have been following it for a couple of months now. I share your struggle with alcohol, not less or more than you, but just different <true, the pain is different for us all I spose>. That said, personally haven’t had a drink other than communion wine (on occasion due to my sporadic attendance) for 263 days now <dude, way mucho congrats on that, btw, ever notice how if you say it right Catholic will rhyme with Alcoholic?>. There are days that I want a beer really bad because work sucked or there are days that I want one because it’s just hot outside and it sounds nice. But I don’t. I don’t because I said I wouldn’t 263 days ago for one entire year. The reason is unimportant to anyone but me and my family but I said I wouldn’t and I haven’t <props to you for making a promise and then sticking to it>. It was really hard at first. It was constantly on my mind (probably because I told myself I couldn’t) but as each day would pass I would put another day in my iCal <further away from the tractor beam you get the less power it has, yo>. Somedays the only thing keeping me from having that one beer that may lead to six is my tally marks in my iPhone. As the marks add up and I go through different seasons it gets easier and easier. I’m not sure if I was addicted <really?  you’re not sure?  oh I think we both know that’s a lie.  IMO> but I definitely had a habit. A habit that found a good place when times where good and when they where bad. But I realized that it exacerbated the bad to a level that I couldn’t fully see because of the alcohol and it’s residual effects <true dat>.

I can have another beer according to my 365 day promise but honestly, your posts are making me think I may choose to never have one again <and THAT is why I’m doing this.  Even if it doesn’t work for me, maybe somebody will stumble across this and say to themself “hey look at this poor sod, I don’t ever want to be like that, I’m quitting NOW>. Thank you for opening up to the world <my pleasure>, it’s been helpful to me as well as you but I’m afraid it’s been more helpful to me. Your last few posts have been sad, negative and are sounding like you may be sliding back a bit <yup, and I don’t know/care why.  that old man’s a real motherfucker>.
These recent posts have me scared of the day that my 365 day promise is fulfilled. I don’t want to feel the way I used to feel ever again  <kudos to you for moving past what the rapist has called “denial”.  it’s not just a river in egypt>.

Do yourself a favor and sit down and read all of your posts from the beginning to now. You really seemed to be coming out of it, moving up and up with every post. You need to remember that things seemed pretty bleak and shitty when you first started writing this. I can’t imagine you want to go back to that place <I don’t, you’re right of course.  but I haven’t cared enough to stop the slide>. That’s not how we’re supposed to live our life. I know now that god (yes I said god) doesn’t want us to live lives miserable and full of regrets, anxiety and depression. And alcohol is this big sneaky depressant <agreed>.

I will continue to pray for you, but I hope you continue to pray for yourself as well and ask god for help regarding this every single day.<what?, you think you’re not god talking to me and anybody else that comes along and reads this?  god doesn’t talk to people anymore, he talks through people. you sir, are a burning bush> And give the tally mark thing a try. It’s silly but somedays I don’t feel like I accomplished much, but it feels really good to add another day to my iCal.

I hope you’re ok, <thanks mang.  you’re freaking awesome for making your own way, and you’re freaking awesome for sharing it here.  Thank You>

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~ by sobriety6923 on July 25, 2011.

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