fuckit.  I’m tired.  tired of fighting.  tired of doing it on my own.  I’ve txted a guy I know who I think would be a good sponsor for me and he’s agreed.  just gotta get a meeting time down.  in the meantime I plan to go to a meeting sunday night. and not go hashing sunday afternoon. fuck you and your sobriety, but I’m lucid enough right now to know this is what i have to do, and it’s the best thing.  better than the bullshit I’ve been doing on my own for these years.

part of me is still kind of pissed about it(in case you can’t tell), but most of me is relieved that I’ve resigned myself to it.  I don’t even know what the catalyst or “ah HAH!” moment was.  It just kind of hit me.  thus fell lord perth.

you’ll prolly have to click through to youtube to watch the vid, but it’s worth your time.

~ by sobriety6923 on August 20, 2011.

7 Responses to “Tired”

  1. Great! Remember, the first few days, you’re body is dealing with getting rid of the toxins, so you will feel out of sorts. The best thing to do is to talk…to someone that knows what you are going through, and can offer the support and encouragement that you sometimes just can’t get through the written word. There is a lot of power at those tables!

    Just take it one day at a time…that’s all anyone can really do, is just deal with today. The past is in the past. Don’t clog yourself with worring about the future. Just for a while, let it take care of itself.

    BTW, love that scene in that movie!!!!

  2. I honestly just got a little choked up by your post. I think you’re making a really good decision. I’ll be praying for you.

    “God doesn’t care who you were. He only cares who you are.” – Cowboys & Aliens

  3. Happy Dance!!

    I’m so proud of you!!!

    YOU RAWK!!!

    (and I don’t think what you’ve done in the last couple of years is “bullshit” at all. You’re a different man now and you’ve made tremendous progress, basically all by yourself. You’re just calling for some back-up.)

    YOU RAWK!!! (((((((Mr. Sobriety))))))

  4. Good. I was exhausted just reading your long should-I-shouldn’t-I posts and thought jesus, this alone could kill a body.

    Now that you’ve got the manual-override image in your head:

    I see this all over the place, the bargaining down to “a little’s better than a lot”. What the dummies are totally blind to is that in the shape they’ve got themselves into, all the room for negotiating is gone. They’re already riding on the emergency spare. There’s no “demolition derby for an hour’s way better than every night of the week” — those demolition daze is over. Your body can’t take it anymore.

    Lemme say it again: You’re already riding on the emergency spare. Leeway is gone. Read up on the studies. The alcoholics with bad hearts die if they don’t quit cold. Yes, they improve if they go off the hooch. Know what happens if they start up again? You got it. Goodnight. Happens pretty fast, too. Matter of months. You are not the exception.

    I got a friend — one of my best — guy was in rehab at 13. Hell of a smart guy, went to college at 16 to study physics. Got married, who knows what went wrong, but here’s this formerly superhot stud now 150+ lbs overweight, doesn’t know when to quit at work. Looked like death at 38. Couple months ago, collapsed on the floor. Problem? Mad diabetes. So he starts being careful, then goes off for a camping weekend with the buds, starts drunk-texting me. Drunk-texting. A bad diabetic. He doesn’t get it, he figures it’s a special weekend. Doesn’t get that he’s already riding on the emergency spare and there is no leeway. The man’s gonna die and leave his wife with two kids, one of them special-needs.

    Tell that mentor of yours that you’re deadly serious, and ask him to hold you to it. And then don’t be an asshole and make him do all that work.

    • Y’know what Still Here? I like you. You’re kind of a bitch, but i like you. I’m glad you’re here to kick me around. I really like the emergency spare analogy. Thanks for your thoughts.

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