Feels like forever


have I used that as a title before? I think maybe. well fuggit. it’s my blog.

It’s only been 15 days since I’ve had a drink (thank you to the commenter about the counter app…Wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy, got my app, log another day I’m gonna hit this city), but it feels like forever ago. And it’s 50/50 right now whether that’s a good or a bad thing. Been sick the last few days and haven’t been able to make it to any meetings. It is astonishingly true (to this pig headed non-believer anyway) how much it helps just going to meetings and sitting and listening. You don’t even have to talk. Just sit and absorb. The last meeting I went to was about 6 days ago and I can already feel myself slipping.

Now, granted, yes I am planning on going to meetings again. There’s one Thursday (tomorrow) night I plan on going to (tonight is church). My sponsor recommended I come up with 2 or 3 weekly’s that become my regulars I go to every week. And low and behold, I haven’t been to one in a few days and l can feel the slippage. Amazing that someone who’s been here before can offer sage advice about it (and thank you to another commenter with the guy in the hole analogy with the doc the priest and the alkie; Ya, but I’ve been here before and I know the way out).

I do not feel like drinking. But I can feel it coming. Does that make sense? I’ve had Nyquil the past couple nights to go to sleep since I’ve been sick, and even that felt like cheating, but I guess I’ll allow it. If somebody knows of a non-alcoholic so you can rest medicine I’m all ears.

Just wanted to check in and say I’m good.

But…

There’s still that little voice. For instance, a couple people I know are going through some fairly significant medical problems. They’re both in their 60’s, white males. One’s been sober 30 something years. One’s never been an alkie as far as I know. The 30 something is having his gall bladder removed today. The other just found out he has prostate cancer. And of course all the older folks I know are coming down with all sorts of “old age” issues. Aches, pains, stuff falling apart. So I say…WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF GROWING OLD?

You’ll be falling apart, spending over half your retirement in doctor’s offices and medicines. Your kids won’t be anywhere near you for you to enjoy the grandkids. You’ll have too much ailment to take any of those trips you always dreamed about in your “golden” years. Your significant other will be dead or catatonic or too sick to enjoy time with so WTF is the point? Bueller? Bueller?

Ya, so I’ve still got a lot of the “fuck that” and “wtf” in me. Be patient. It’s only been 15 days. My sponsor says it gets better with time. I can see a little of that in only 15 days. But I’ve got miles to go before I sleep to see anything better yet.

Gotta get my ass to a meeting. Later gator. (thank god it’s finally football season again) Go Gators!

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~ by sobriety6923 on August 31, 2011.

2 Responses to “Feels like forever”

  1. Keep it up man. I just plugged 300 into my counter this morning. I am Sparta!

  2. then we shall fight in the shade, eh? keep it up mang.

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