Tired of the Consequences

Day 24 and in a bit of a lull. I could really just go drink. No real reason really, just because. But I’m not going to.

Met my sponsor for dinner last night, and he invited his sponsor. It was kinda cool, like 3 generations of drunks having dinner together. After dinner we all went to a meeting. this particular meeting, I don’t really like, but it fit the time. Sometimes tho, I do like it, but most of the time I have to drag myself to it. I have a vague inkling as to why, but I haven’t bothered investigating further and I’m not going into it now.

neway, one of the guys there last night was talking about how he got started. It was less that he didn’t want to drink anymore, and more that he didn’t want the consequences anymore. The hangovers, the fights with family, the lost jobs, the cravings, etc, etc, etc….That stuck with me. I could go drink right now. But I don’t want the consequences. So I’ll hold on to that.

Backing up a little tho, I’m going to have to do something about scheduling and which meetings I go to. Ironic that previously in my drinking career I would drink to escape. Escape worry, family, etc…Now, there’s not much more I’d rather do than be with my family. But, as part of my recovery process I NEED to go to meetings. So last night I get home and my wife asked me to start cooking dinner before I left so that when she got home with the kids it would already be set up. That was fine. No problem. So they get home and they’ve been there for 15 minutes and it’s time for me to leave to go have dinner with my sponsor. My daughter and son both started crying because I was leaving. Damnit. The irony is killing me.

I tried to explain that I needed to go do this and I love them but I had to leave for a little while. It really sucked walking out that door with them like that. So I mentioned that to my sponsor and he said yup, been there too. What he used to do was tell his kids when they were young that he was going to talk to people to learn how to be a better daddy. and his kids were fine with that. ya, gonna definitely give that a try.

going back to the meeting tho….another guy was relating a story about the last time he took a drink and went on a bender; and it was he was on his way home from a job and stopped to get gas with $10 in his wallet. He walked into the store to pay for his gas, and saw a 16oz beer, and even tho there was a little voice in his head saying it would be pretty stupid to go ahead and do that, he did it anyway. bought the beer, left the change for the gas. And of course that led to another downfall. Then he related it to a story in the bigbook about a guy who had owned his own car sale business but then lost it all because of the drinking. Then when he got sober for a little bit he got his sales job back at the business he used to own, and was on his way out to the country to go see a possible sale and stopped to get a sandwich. Well, they also served drinks there so he was feeling down and decided to have a whiskey in his milk with his sandwich, even tho there was that little voice in his head saying he prolly shouldn’t do that. Of course it led to 5 or 12 and there we have it. Pg 36 btw.

Last night before I went to bed I happened to pick up my Big Book and was reading it. Low and behold I happened to read right through the exact story the guy from the meeting was talking about with the whiskey in the milk. how ironic right?

~ by sobriety6923 on September 9, 2011.

3 Responses to “Tired of the Consequences”

  1. Dude! You’re doing great! I love what you said in your post earlier in the week about day 21 and it being no problem with the support you have! (I would have responded then, but I’ve been a bit busy with doctors and insurance companies and all…) I’m glad you’re in the big book and meeting with your sponsor. I went through what you’re going through with the family. Yes, you are gone for an hour and a half or so every night, but you’re doing the right thing by saying that it’s helping you to be a better daddy. It’s normal for families (wives and older children) to expect that, just because you’re not drinking, you’ll “suddenly” be yourself again. It’s important to help them realize that this is a process, and that, in the end, things will be better, but it will take time.

    So geeked up for you, man! This is great! Also, I think that you’ll find that the “needing” to go is a good thing, and that you really will start to develop relationships with the people around the tables. Sometimes those groups have their own parties for football games and holidays. It’s a safe place, and if you get a chance, go to one. Also, throw out a topic at a meeting about how other people deal with potential drinking situtations, like football or a holiday or a family gathering (you get the idea).

    Keep going back! Don’t quit until the magic happens!

  2. thanks man

  3. and btw, glad you made it through your accident ok.

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