Cavalcade of Sobriety

Acceptance is the key

I learn something new every meeting I go to. It was a Big Book meeting last week and we happened to read the chapter about Acceptance. Acceptance Was the Answer. I am the one that needs to change. Other people or things are not the problem. I am. All this time I’ve been wishing things in my life would change to suit me I’ve been completely whacked. The Serenity prayer has a whole new meaning to me now. God grant me the courage to change the things I can. Btw Mr Acceptance is the Key commenter, I finally get “it” about your name. good stuff.

Our lives had become unmanageable

Reading through the Big Book, it just keeps striking home, that my life had(is still a little?) become unmanageable. I could not handle certain things. I had to self medicate. From school, to work, to home, there were just so many things I could not handle without drinking, and of course ironically that made them all worse.

First day of the rest of your life

Today Sept 14 2011 is day 29 of my current sobriety (ya I know I’m already setting myself up for a fall when I say current, as if I’m expecting myself to fail and have to restart.again.) I’m already at the 2nd longest streak of not drinking in my drinking career (aged 21 to now; 35). Tomorrow is 30. It’s chip day. I’ve planned to meet my sponsor at a meeting and get my chip, then we’ll have dinner after. It’s the first day of the rest of my life. Well, I spose everyday is, but it will hold special meaning for me I guess. I’ll be guilty of pride for something I’ve been able to do I didn’t think I’d be able to. But I’m also scared as shit. I’ve built up 30 in my mind so much that once I get there I don’t know what I’ll do. Will I keep going strong (you will if you want to), or will I say hey that was great let’s go drink to celebrate!? I know I have the tools available to me to not do the latter. But ya, there’s still a part of me that wants to drink. I know there is. Right now I’m about 51/49 for not drinking or drinking. And you know how all those polls you see on the news always have some +/- 5% error or the like? Ya that.

Red Dress

Oh the temptation. There’s a hash this weekend. Can I stand to be there and not drink? I don’t think I can. Especially since it’s Red Dress. Most if not all Hash Kennels put on a Red Dress or a Green Dress hash once a year. It’s a glorified pub crawl, and the guys dress up in Red Dresses. Helluva good time. Green Dress as I understand it is based more on St Patty’s day, whereas Red Dress has completely different origins. Go Google Red Dress Hash to find the story about the lady visiting a friend while on business and all she had to wear to the hash was a red dress. The one I went to last year I was seeing the rapist at the time and of course she recommended not going, so of course I went anyway. I had like 2 drinks if I remember right. But then of course at some point I went back to drinking hard core. Oh the ruination that one drink can cause. I really want to get back into hashing, but I don’t think I’m strong enough yet to be around that kind of temptation. The Hash is Sunday Sept 18. That would be 33 days sober. It’d be a helluva feat to stay sober for it, or it’d be a relapse and restart the counter. I really want to, but I prolly won’t. They won’t miss me. I know that. But I still miss it. (see above 51/49)

~ by sobriety6923 on September 14, 2011.

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