Red Chip Horizon


Red Chip in sight bitches.  61 days in. 29 to go.

yesterday, well, the last few days in fact, have been rough.  out of nowhere cravings appeared.  thoughts of drinking invaded.  but I resisted.  fought the good fight, blah blah blah.

not drinking is still a chore.  but it’s doable. that said, it’s not too surprising.  I’m only on step 4.  the beginning of 4 actually. “made a fearless moral inventory”.  step 1 admitted we had a problem, our lives had become unmanageable?  no problem.  Step 2 came to realize a higher power could restore us to sanity?  meh, it was more difficult but it’s done.  stubborn pig headed I can do it myself n’ all that.  step 3 was the hardest yet.  willing to turn it over to my higher power.  I’m so lost with god and the universe and the chicken and the egg that I was really struggling with this until my sponsor had me read the 12 and 12 book chapters 1-3.  (12 steps and 12 traditions; chapters 1-3 highlight steps 1-3) basically what I was able to get from it was if you’ve started AA you’ve already started step 3 without realizing it just by getting with the program and buying into AA.

thus fell lord perth (then came step 4).  ya I’ve been avoiding it.  sue me.  haven’t been going to too many meetings or seeing my sponsor lately either.  I know what I need to do to stay sober.

but anyway.  30 days was a good stretch of time.  60 was a friggin haul.  we’ll see how long 90 turns out to be.  maybe 60 was so long b/c groups around here don’t do 60 day chips that I’ve seen.  google sez there’s wooden 60 day chips but I didn’t bother.  got my sites on that red 90 day chip.  next chip after that is 6 months.  THAT will be a long haul with no chips.

gold star if you get the movie reference in the pic.

************

oh c’mon!  Bueller?  Bueller….?  It’s a scene from The Event Horizon. thought it worked pretty good with the title.  oh well.  no gold chips for anybody today.  but then again, who am I to ASSume people out there remember scenes from obscure late 90’s movies like I do when there’s so many made in the first place.

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~ by sobriety6923 on October 16, 2011.

10 Responses to “Red Chip Horizon”

  1. Keep going! The 4th step is a big step…and I’ll admit, I didn’t start mine until about the 5th4th month. But, it is well worth it…one thing that helped me is…don’t get hung up on trying to think of “everything”…get the main ones, the pertinent ones. And, then follow up with step five. For me, it was liberation when I was done with both steps.

    But, what’s most important is–what you will feel.

    Keep going back! Congrats on 60 days!

  2. congratulations. i like your blog.

  3. question about step 4…is it more like EVERY little thing I’ve ever done, or is it ok to lump it into categories? like I’m a thief. Orrr, that one time I took that candy bar, or this other time….

  4. Bother, man. Bother.

    I could always not bother to give my kid anything decent to eat tonight. It’s kind of a drag, cooking all those meals. I could not bother with her homework, too. Or with exercising, or cleaning the house, or scaring up more work. There’s a cover letter I need to write tonight, not really an exciting thing to do; I’d rather kick back, read a novel.

    But you know how it goes: it’s totally carrot and stick, nothing inbetween. If you bother, it generally pays off big. Don’t bother, you’ll regret it hard. The kid has kids in her class whose parents don’t bother, and it’s awful. Those kids are already on the road to bad, hard lives.

    It was kind of sad, too — I was on a dating site a while back, and this guy messaged me. He sounded smart, interesting. I took one look at his photo and said, “Nope.” He was 55, looked 75. A smoker, prolly 50 lbs or more overweight. Obviously had a bad relationship with food, and I’d lay odds he’s a boozer, too. This is what happens if you don’t bother for 30 years. And I thought — wow, am I that shallow, that I’m not even going to message the guy because he looks like this? Answer: Yes. Because the problem’s not that he looks like my dad (actually my dad’s 70 and in way better shape). The problem’s that this is a man who says “Fuck it.” No can do. I was already with one guy who said “Fuck it” till he died. Brilliant guy, wildly talented, but he said fuck it, fuck his daughter, fuck his ex, fuck me, fuck everything. I don’t want to go through it again.

    Keep on going. It’s worth bothering. Friend of mine just passed her 9000th day sober. She still thinks about it, obviously. But she has a life, she’s alive. Call your sponsor now. Yeah, that’s right, you, now.

  5. Yes.

    😀

  6. I was wondering if you have ever read the book, the easy way to stop drinking, or if its discussed at AA or what AA thinks about it.

    • @the easy way to stop drinking book…No, I’ve never heard of it and have not heard it mentioned in any meetings. I can tell you that as part of AA’s traditions, #10, AA does not have any opinions on any outside matters, so I don’t think AA would endorse things like that, but then again, I’m a noob and not too knowing on how things work. I imagine if someone brought it up in a meeting, it would be discussed openly and fairly like anything else. Why do you ask? Has it helped you at all?

  7. I stopped drinking on my own before I read the book, its a different approach from AA. The author does acknowledge AA in the book, I found it quite interesting, you might want to check it out.

  8. heh heh. will add it to the list (of things to do)….thanks

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