7 more days till 90. Nov 14.

Was having a really rough time last week. Part of me was absolutely screaming for a drink or 10/20/500, and I told myself I didn’t know why. But I think I do, or at least am willing to now put forth a hypothesis.

First, I started working step 4 last week. “Made a fearless moral inventory…” There’s things I know about myself. There’s things I’m used to accepting about myself, but these things are just on the surface. When I start digging deeper and being brutally honest about it? Ya, I don’t like what I’m seeing. The good thing is, one of the next steps is to share these faults with someone else and be willing/ask god to remove them.

We claim spiritual growth rather than spiritual perfection.

The bad news is, one of the next steps is to share these faults with someone else and be willing/ask god to remove them. It was hard enough to make the initial list. I keep adding to it as I think of things. Sharing it with another human being? faaaaaaahhhck. There’s bad things there man. I don’t want to share those things with anyone. Let alone my wife, or sponsor, or preacher, or anyone.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

And B, tomorrow is one year to the day I got laid off from my job. I remember exactly what I was doing last weekend one year ago, I remember exactly what happened that day I got laid off, it’s just burned in my memory. I had gone with a bunch of friends on an overnight biking/camping trip and had a blast. Then I came back and by tuesday it all fell apart. But it didn’t really. As I was driving home from being laid off I got a call about an interview for a job I ended up taking in Asheville, and then it worked out I was able to get a job and move back home with my family after a few months. All in all a positive turn of events from the negative.

Change is hard. Painful even. Sometimes it’s forced upon us rather than our seeking it. Granted, I hated that job anyway and had been wanting something different for a long time. But to have someone/something else make that decision rather than me? umm, no. Know how much I like my current job? I haven’t even bothered updating my resume. Oh you don’t get it….for someone as OCD as me to not update the resume as soon as the new position starts is nothing short of tremendous.

but the more I think about it, I think it’s mainly step 4 that’s doing(done) it. Step 4 makes you look in the mirror, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see all the warts. The layoff thing is prolly more of an afterthought, something that’s rendered me useless and melancholy today at my current job. I keep checking the local paper to see if there’s anything about layoffs. nothing yet. good luck to my former coworkers.

There are 7 deadly sins. I am guilty of a few of them. and that’s about as much as you’re gonna get out of me for that.


~ by sobriety6923 on November 7, 2011.

2 Responses to “Se7en”

  1. I’ll bet if you think about it, there’s one person that you could share your fifth step with. No, not a pastor, sponsor or spouse, but a person that has been a champion for you. There’s nothing that you couldn’t share with this person, and they are closer than you think! And, that’s the magic–that cloud of secrecy, that veil that hides our fear and anger–suddenly disappears once you share.

    Don’t quit before the magic happens–keep coming back! You’re doing great!

  2. […] Part Deaux I did a post on Se7en back in November last year when I was getting close to 90 days.  This’ll be a bit different […]

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