Dangerous Free Time (again)


so I’m all by my lonesome this week at the house.  we went home for new years and then I came back while the fam stayed for the week. I was really worried about drinking.  I’ve never, NEVER been able to not drink while the fam was away.  In fact, those have always been some of the worst times in my drinking career.

I don’t have to drink this week.  You can’t see it but I am frigging jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs.  I DON’T HAVE TO DRINK THIS WEEK.  It’s so freaking awesome I’m not sure how to put it into words.

Another first.  First sober NYE, first sober time by myself.  My sponsor told me there’d be plenty of firsts to come along my first year.  Some I hadn’t even thought of.

It’s not that I don’t want to drink.  It’s just that I don’t have the craving.  That’s what I was most worried about.  There’s been instances before where I was trying to sober up and my family went away.  I can remember clearly, telling my wife “I know what I need to do to stay sober while you’re gone”.  I did not on that occasion.

I did on this occasion.  The freedom is amazing.  Now granted, I do still get pangs of regret here and there like “ya it’d be nice to go drink” or whatnot.  But I know (or I’ve convinced myself anyway) that it wouldn’t just be one or two or five that night.  It would easily balloon into a full blown bender.  I don’t want that.  So if I at least don’t not want that first drink, I don’t want that bender and the recovery all over again after.

Progress is being made people.

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~ by sobriety6923 on January 5, 2012.

7 Responses to “Dangerous Free Time (again)”

  1. Progress, not perfection! You’re doing great! Not just the cravings, but the health is returning, and the stinkin’ thinkin’ is replaced with positive thinking.

    The real magic…the feeling of being able to scream at the top of your lungs with joy–a beautiful thing!

    Keep reaching out!

  2. So exciting! Congrats!

    Keep being conscious of what you need and what things can trigger you into a bender. It def helps me.

  3. we claim progress, not perfection. Indeed. Keeping the guard up. thanks for the comments.

  4. Hey, I was looking back through your posts from last fall, and man, what a journey. From self-destructive guy to someone who stays sober and knows why he’s doing it, takes it dead seriously, is breaking his own record daily, still knows he has to be careful every freaking step of the way, and is finding things in life to be genuinely good & worthwhile. Health.

    It’s a transformation in action. Maybe you’re not in a spot yet where you can look back and really see it. But it’s happening, and someday you’ll be amazed. You’re also teaching me and maybe others what a serious thing this illness is, and some of what it takes to live with it without dying. (A serious and literal thought for me; the anniversary of my bf’s death just passed. It’s still rough on me sometimes, and I hear his daughter isn’t doing so well. His ex is coping, but that’s about all.)

    Stick with it, we’re all here for you and your fam.

    Happy New Year —

    • you’re absolutely right. and it’s something you’d challenged me to do in a previous comment. I have to some extent. thanks for being here and the support and/or kick in the ass. =)

  5. I feel a little like I’m spying as I read your blog; you are so candid and honest…. and quite inspiring. I’m sending my brother a link to your blog, I know he could get a lot out of it. Anyway…keep up the good work, and submit a new post already, it’s been like 5 days!!!!! 😛

    Jentri

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