Step 5

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and another Human Being the exact nature of our wrongs”

Did Step 5 today.  You ever pump up a blow up mattress?  It’s got a larger hole and a smaller hole usually, to let air in or out.  Doing step 5 today was like pumping it up and then letting all the air just filter out on its own out of the small hole.  It was nerve wracking, and stressful, and good.  Started with the easy stuff that I was less embarrassed about as a warm-up, then moved to the more awkward defects.

I’ve been sitting on Step 5 for awhile now.  Was putting it off and putting it off b/c I didn’t want to deal with it.  Started making the list for it in step 4 a couple months ago.  In reading it out loud today to another person, I realized how freaking stupid a lot of it was, and how a lot of it revolved around me and my own self centeredness, which I spose, is part of the exercise.

Now that it’s done, I feel a mix of embarrassment, and relief.  Initially, right after doing it, I was more embarrassed than relieved.  Now that I’m moving farther away from it, the relief is far outpacing the embarrassment.

The catalyst for making me decide to finally get it over with was going to a meeting last week.  It was a Steps meeting and we went over step 5.  Just hearing the folks in the room talk about their experiences with it and how awkward they felt with all their “weird shit”, and how it turned out to be ok to share it with another person,  gave me just enough strength to finally decide to air my “weird shit”.

I ended up going with a friend for my confession.  I know that’s not the official word for it, but that’s the term I’m using, being brought up a nice little Catholic (remember, say it so it rhymes with alcoholic) boy.  You can use whomever you’re comfortable with.  Friend, sponsor, priest, whomever.  I spose the point is to add some personal accountability, other than just talking to god about it.  Saying it to god is another part of it too, of course.

So, Thank You so much from the bottom of my self centered alcoholic heart to my friend for allowing me to share and work my recovery with you.  You know who you are.  It’s so cool how god/the universe/whatever has brought us together.

On to Step 6, and on to 6 months this Sunday.  Never, EVER, EVUH, would’ve believed I’d be walking up to get my 6 month chip.  It’s a testament to how far we can go if we are willing to work (we will be amazed before we are half way through).   Will post an updated chip pic when I pick it up.

~ by sobriety6923 on February 10, 2012.

3 Responses to “Step 5”

  1. respect +1 🙂

  2. Awesome dude! You did it! That dreaded 5th step! I’m so happy for you…

    Another example of the magic of the program. Not just a way to be sober, but a new way of living!

    Keep coming back!

  3. thanks guys

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