Six Month Chip

Where do I start?  Man.  It’s been a helluva 6 months.  I barely even remember what it was like to put that drink up to my lips every night.  Can still remember what it tasted like too.  But it’s a shadow of its former self.

I remember when I first started back in August, I thought to myself, “ya, I’ll do 6 months, then I’ll drink again”.  Thankfully, that thinking has changed.  I was kind of worried about it leading up to this point, but now that I’m here, ya, I don’t want to drink.  And that’s a good thing man.

6 months and 5 steps.  That’s not bad progress.  I hear stories in meeting from folks who took over a year to do step 4, so if I judge myself against that, I’m doing ok.  Gotta be careful not to get too full of myself tho, or let my guard down.  As soon as you do that, the tide moves back in.  I imagine even after 10 yrs if you let your guard down, you’ll be right back where you started.  Right now, it’s not that I don’t want to never drink, it’s just that I don’t want to have to recover ever again.  That’ll keep me going.

Every few months I see a new example of why I should never drink again.  Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston.  I see friends and coworkers going through divorce or praying for the death of their spouses and I’m so very happy I’ve been spared that.  So far anyway.   There’s always that “Yet” hanging around.  Haven’t gotten a dui. Yet.  Haven’t gotten a divorce.  Yet.  Haven’t <insert event here>. Yet.

Heard another new one at the meeting last night where I got my chip.  The guy who said it, I don’t even really like this guy.  My opinion of him is he likes to hear himself talk.  But I have to temper that with he’s prolly just trying to be vocal and help, and I really can’t fault him for his service.  But this is what he said: when he was drinking it was killing him not just physically, but also morally and spiritually.  zOMFG.  That is me.  That’s ME.  My body was starting to show the effects of all the drinking.  My moral compass was definitely suffering.  And I feel spiritually pretty much dead.  Hanging by a string.  Too many questions, no answers, and no faith.

Luckily, 6 months later and I’m a little better.  We claim progress not perfection.  Still waiting on the “big” miracle I spose, of being able to definitively say “I don’t ever want to drink again”.  But I spose 180 small miracles is a good start.  I know that I still can’t go back to hashing, even tho I really miss it.  Maybe that’s part of the reason that my bike keeps breaking down.  So I wouldn’t make a dumbass move like go out and be around the drinking before I was ready.

Seems like I’m rambling, am I rambling?  I think I’m rambling.  So, I’ll just close with this:  I am better than I was.  I still have a long way to go.  I am grateful, and thankful for where I’m at, and what I’ve been able to thus far avoid.  Thank You for sticking around and hearing my story.

~ by sobriety6923 on February 15, 2012.

5 Responses to “Six Month Chip”

  1. ……..

    Congratulations! !!!! 🙂

  2. Congrats! I don’t even know you,but,I have been there…my mom used to have a saying….’ you alone,have to do it,,but,you don’t have to do it alone’.
    (when she passed away,she had almost 18 yrs of sobriety in). So,keep on,keepin on,and remember,that you can’t keep it,til ya give it away. Good luck to you as you continue to walk down this path..of sobriety!

  3. […] Photo courtesy of Sobriety 6923 […]

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