Angst


yes, I’m still having issues with St Patrick’s Day.  See here for the prior.

But first:

I lost my freaking 6 month chip for a bit this morning.  We went to soccer practice last night and I had my wallet in the middle console of the truck while at practice, then I rode my bike home from practice while my wife and kids drove the truck back home.  This morning I got my wallet out of the middle console and just out of habbit, checked to make sure the debit card, driver’s license, etc…was there. And I realized the 6 month chip I keep in my wallet wasn’t there.  OMFG, I started to freak out.  So I went inside and asked my wife about it and it turns out it had fallen out the other day when she was raiding my wallet for cash, and she put it back in a different pocket.  So, it was there, crisis averted.  But ya, I had my Heddy (that’s HEDLEY) Lamar froggy moment there for a bit with my chip.

Which brings up an interesting point:  For all my big talk about not needing the monthly affirmation of 7,8,9, etc…month chips, I was gonna freak if I lost my 6 month chip.  I spose it’s not even affirmation, but a symbol of the work, and pain, and adjustment the last 6 months have been and the progress that’s been made.  I literally felt everything falling apart b/c I couldn’t find that damn chip.  damn.

Now, on to the next angst-y thing.  This weekend is St Patrick’s Day.  Strong, the call is, to go get drunk.  I haven’t been on a hash ride in 7 months.  My bike is finally fixed enough I think I can go hash again.  My head is in a place where I think I can go hash again and not drink.  My head is not in a place where I can go hash this weekend for the St Paddy’s Day hash ride.  It’ll be a glorified pub crawl with drink stops.  Yes, I really want to go.  Yes, I would love to go get drunk at it.  Yes, I would love to go get drunk.  Yes, I would love to start drinking again.  Wait, wait, wait….what the fuck man?  Maybe some small part of you does still and the draw is still strong, but you know you don’t as a whole feel that way anymore.

You know how much better your life is now, and how much better your relationships with your wife and kids are now.  You know how much better everything is now, and you’re smart enough and been in program long enough to know better.  So ya, going to the St Paddy’s hash would be a bad idea b/c you couldn’t handle the temptation.  Suck it up.  Don’t go, and have a good time doing something else. With your family even.

So get over it, don’t drink TODAY, then tomorrow, don’t drink that day, and so on and so forth.

Ribbit.  Ribbit.  Ribbit.

 

Advertisements

~ by sobriety6923 on March 16, 2012.

5 Responses to “Angst”

  1. I totally understand about your Chip, I carry my Medallion in my right front pocket with my money clip and keys. If I do not feel it in my pocket when I’m going out the Door, I freak out. Even after being Sober for a few 24hrs. And as far as getting Drunk on St. Patrick’s Day, I never need a Holiday to Drink.
    It did Help being in Uniform or having some symbol of Military Service
    and being in a Irish Bar for FREE Drinks on St. Paddy’s Day…
    I have enjoyed Reading your Blog…

  2. one day at a time… GOOD for YOU!!!

  3. oh God, I have to watch the whole movie again now. Not till this deadline’s past, though.

    Um. I know it sounds insane, but there’ll come a year when the whole St. Patrick’s day scene will look just miserable and repugnant to you. Where you’ll wonder why in hell people do these things to themselves. All that jolly drunkenness…not so jolly. Because the only people I know who really, really love St. Patrick’s Day are drunks and incipient drunks. Everyone else dreads it, because it’s one big drunkfest, with excuses for violence. Worse than a state-college football game.

    When I was a kid in NYC, the only time anyone ever gave a rat’s ass about the legal drinking age was March 17th. That was the only day of the year I couldn’t get served. It was just some crazy hope of damage control on the part of restaurants, bars, the cops.

    Trust me. There’ll come a time when you might still, in some nether region of your brain, like the idea of a drink, but you won’t be sad to miss St. Patrick’s Day.

    • I’ve already realized some of the promises I’ve been told. All I can do is keep going and hopefully what you said will come to pass. But right now? ya, no. +1 to you for the Dollar word of the day btw. Incipient. Had to go look that one up. Kinda like gargantuan. One so rarely has an opportunity to use it in a sentence.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: