Mid Life Crisis


I’m going to be 40 this year.  ‘s good a time as any to have a mid life crisis.  No, I don’t want a sports car.  No, I don’t want a newer model wife.  No, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

I am so fucking lost.  Still sober.  Just…lost.

don’t feel guilty if at 22 you don’t know what you want to do with your life….some of the most interesting 40 yrs old’s I know still don’t.

This is what I know : I’ve got 25 more years before retirement.  I can’t imagine doing what I’m doing now for the next 25 years.  I don’t know what else I would do.  I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’d like to be doing.  I don’t know what I would like to be doing.  I don’t want to retire and not be able to enjoy it like either one of my parents.  I’m afraid life is pointless.  I’m afraid there is no God, or at least nothing like any religion imagines one to be. I’m not happy.  I don’t know how to be happy.  I’m afraid I’ll never be happy. I’m afraid I’m wasting my life in a fucking cube farm.

I don’t know how to resolve any of the above so I just go about my daily life.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

I dunno.  maybe I’m just a whiny little bitch.  I’ve got a great life.  Great Wife. Great kids.  Great job.  Great salary.  Everybody’s healthy.  etc, etc, etc…..there are people with less who are happier.  why can’t I be?  maybe I should just have less? There’s definitely a certain naive romanticism to just living in a cabin in the middle of the woods completely off the grid and away from society.  I said naive, right?

Do I know how to hunt? no.  Do I know how to farm?  no.  Do I know how to fish?  no.  k, so how bout a nice rustic cabin with 4G, hi speed internet, electric, endless supply of food, etc…?  ya, that’d be nice.

but trust me, on the Sunscreen.

 

 

 

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~ by sobriety6923 on January 12, 2016.

One Response to “Mid Life Crisis”

  1. Don’t waste any time planning your mid-life crisis. In my experience they don’t work that way. It’s more like, you’re walking down the street one day and a refrigerator falls from the sky – and your life changes. I used to joke about MLC; hoping that my last trip to rehab was the end of it. WRONG. 13 years into recovery a little 32 y/o slips her hand in my pocket and all of a sudden I’ve just been dosed with a drug that makes all the others look punk by comparison – and trust me, I’ve done them all.

    If you’re finding yourself high-centered on the road of recovery find a way to go out and help someone, anyone, who is in need – with no potential of accolades or ego-stroking. Maybe go work at a soup kitchen one or two days a week. They say the human mind can only think about one thing at a time – so if you (I) are thinking about someone else for even just a moment there’s no way we can be thinking about ourselves – which is the nature of the beast (addiction.)

    Peace be to you…

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