Some Days….

No this is not the song by Fun. Good song tho, and not too far off from where I’m going with this post.

Some days are great. I’m able to help people and get a sense of satisfaction and meaning from the day, or some other great thing happens. Rare days.
Some days are ok, where nothing really good happened, but nothing bad either. Some days.
Some days are meh, where it’s really close to ok, but there’s just a blah around the whole day. Most days.
Some days are horrible. Something bad happened or I did something horrible to someone I love and want to kill myself but the only reason I don’t is because me killing myself would only make it worse. Suicide doesn’t kill the pain, it only transfers it. Insurance wouldn’t pay for my family and they’d be left without a dad, no matter how shitty a dad I feel I am. But still there’s that voice that keeps saying I should just blow my fucking head off. I hate it when I get like this. I hate taking nose dives. I’ve apologized, but you break a plate on the floor and say sorry – the plate’s still broken. y’know? The affects linger too. It’s been a couple days but I can still feel the effect. I’ve been told I should feel shitty about it. Ya, I agree, and I do. It would break me if I lost my family. It would be worse if it was because of me. Rare but still too often days.

Sooo, it’s a bad day, not a bad life. Don’t go doing something stupid just because you fucked up. Climb back up on that horse and keep going motherfucker. Miles to go before you sleep’n all that.

~ by sobriety6923 on December 19, 2018.

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