There’s nothing to look forward to

btw, RIP Charlie Wilson.  I’ll have a drink in your honor.

not really, it’s just another excuse.  Woohoo, I took a dump today, let’s have a drink!

no seriously, RIP Charlie Wilson.

When it’s bad, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.  Spending time with family?  doing chores?  trying to be a good husband and father?  screw that, let’s drink.

…but that old man is a real motherfucker gotta kick’im on down the li-ine.  I used to do a little but the little wouldn’t do so the little got more and mo-ore, I just keep tryin to get a little better said a little better than befo-ore…. – GnR, Mr Brownstone

EVERYTHING IS A CHORE BESIDES DRINKING

i’d rather be drinking than….<insert everything here>

In this stage of my umpteenth attempt at sobriety, there’s nothing to look forward to if I can’t drink.  Kid’s school play? Dance Recital, Wife’s Anniversary, kid’s graduation, grandkids, nope nope nope and nope.  How fucked up is that?

I don’t even expect to be alive long enough to experience most of that.  and I don’t care.  fuck that’s fucked up.  I srsly need to get some help with this.  I don’t feel like I can talk to my wife about it. I don’t really think I can talk to my wife about a lot of stuff.  that’s fucked up too.  she’s sposed to be my best friend, and she used to be, but now she’s just some woman I live with.  I’m in 4th place on the order of attention behind the girl, the boy, and the dog.  I feel like a fucking paycheck and that’s all I good for a lot of times.

more later.

k, so that was like a month ago I wrote that around valentines.  Now here it is March and I’m finally following up on it.  I guess I’m not as angry anymore as I was then.  That’s nice to know.  but still, ya, I’d rather be drinking.  People talk about their dreams and living them out.  Mine is to drink and not have to worry about the bad stuff that goes with.  the hangovers, the dui’s, the wrecked health, the wrecked families.  Hey man, what’s your dream job?…sittin on a beach drinking margaritas man.

sittin on a beach drinking margaritas.

~ by sobriety6923 on March 10, 2010.