The D Word…


…And the B word.

Today, I woke up alive. FML.

Bad morning/day Easter Sunday. Wife and daughter just got back from visiting her dad’s for a week on Thursday. Went to the beach Saturday and it was good. Then Sunday morning we all kind of slept in, which is not normal 1, b/c the boy is usually up and at’em but he’s still with my wife’s dad, and 2, b/c we normally get up and go to church. However, the church thing got torpedoe’d b/c of a different issue with the children’s easter egg hunt, but that’s a different story.

So, it’s 10:30am and I’m the last to get up. It’s absolutely DECADENT to get up that late nowadays. But we’re all sitting there just chilling watching tv, my wife has a tv show on she had recorded, and she’s got laundry going. So it starts buzzing that it’s done in the dryer. Now, my wife will let the damn thing go on forever, and that’s what it seems like, is forever. It’s prolly only a few buzzes, but it seems like it will just buzz, keep tumbling, buzz, keep tumbling, etc…forever now. I haven’t bothered to look at it yet. We’ve been over this before about how she’ll just let it go, but I absolutely can’t stand it and hate it. So we get into a big fight about. I know right, it’s a friggin buzzer. How stupid is that? Mean words were said, children were frightened, and mean words were said in front of said children. Or child. Whatever.

The fight was bad enough my wife brought up divorce. “8 more weeks, then I’ll pack our stuff and you can drink and bike to your heart’s content! Just go ahead and drink and drink and have a heart attack!” It should be noted at this point that this was after I became upset due to my perceived “lack of respect” on her part b/c she wouldn’t take care of the fucking dryer, so I made her upset with my perceived “lack of love” by treating her poorly, then the blow up, then the “I’m leaving, happy f’cking easter”, blah blah blah.

http://www.loveandrespect.com/content/crazy_cycle.php

It’s kind of funny, in a not funny way if you think about it how we get mad differently. I’m more of a quick fuse, quick blow up, then boom I’m done. Not her. She’s got the slow burn going on. By the time I was already done with it, she was just getting started. I reacted to her lack of respect by getting upset and calling her names, in front of the child no less, then she felt unloved, and here we are.

………………..

Now it’s a couple days later.

We’re better now and have made up, but it’s still there. It’s one more chip away from the foundation. Things keep getting chipped away, and it seems like there’s never any rebuilding done. How do we do that? I don’t know.

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~ by sobriety6923 on April 7, 2010.

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